I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
