Jerry, you need to find god
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
