Where is the hickey?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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