Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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