I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
