she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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