he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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