so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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