Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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