I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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