So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i already hear my dad disowning me
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
