it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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