we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
