New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
