apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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