Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
