i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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