I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I need to stop coming to work sober
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
