May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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