The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
