my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
