We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
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