if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
