I wannas sexs uuuuu
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
