..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
