i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
