Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
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So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.