Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...