how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found puke in my bra..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.