He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.