He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night