Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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