Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
