M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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