Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
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I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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