No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Randomize
