She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
