I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize