if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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