You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
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If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
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Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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