I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
