You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
