i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
