He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He? As in you personified your dick?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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