I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
