Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
