Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
