my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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