i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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