I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize