the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
