i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
