The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
