I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
