i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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