Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
