U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
