Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you win again, gameday.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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