Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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