I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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