Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
