masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
