I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm like, not good at living.
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